4 Lessons from 4 Decades
I used to complain about getting older, then my Grandma set me straight.
She told me that ageing is a privilege, and something not everyone gets to do.
She was right, of course. And with my 40th birthday now behind me, I'm starting my 5th decade feeling full of gratitude for the life I've already lived and buzzing with excitement for all that's still to come.
As we all know, getting older doesn't always mean getting wiser. Nevertheless, I reckon I've learned a thing or two in my time, so I jotted down a few of the lessons that have served me well throughout my first 40 years. Here’s hoping for a lot more mileage out of them through the next 40!
“When people show you who they are, believe them” - Maya Angelou
This was a lesson I was slow to embrace. Being a ‘nice’ person made it easy for others to mistake me for a pushover and try to get away with treating me badly. I believe in giving people second chances, but now I also believe in boundaries. When you find yourself giving someone their millionth second chance they’ve repeatedly shown you who they are and what they think is acceptable - it’s time for you to believe them.
Get good at learning
Fear of the unknown has been a barrier for me at times. It’s stopped me from setting stretching goals, making progress or trying something new. Until I had some sessions with a career coach, I hadn’t realised that one of my great strengths is that I’m good at learning. And that I could become even better at it with practice. This was the beginning of a powerful new mindset which has since opened new and exciting doors. Because the fear of the unknown is no longer a barrier - knowing that you're good at learning makes not knowing how to do something (yet!) a weak excuse for not trying.
Progress, not perfection
Perfectionism has been an ever-present demon which I’m still learning and re-learning how to manage. This simple idea has been a useful mantra to help me maintain forward momentum with a project, idea or task - even when it’s not perfect.
Accept advice gratefully, then use what's useful and let go of what's not
A long time ago I heard someone describe receiving advice as similar to being given a gift. The giver is sharing something that they think may be of value to you. The recipient doesn’t get to dictate what the gift contains nor when or how it’s delivered. Some advice, like some gifts, might be a dud. Something you don’t want or need, at least for now. But even if they’re way wide of the mark, that person’s gift was given generously and came from good intentions, so receive it with grace and kindness. Then decide for yourself which parts you’ll keep and use, and which you’ll let go.
